Moms of three or more kids hear these negative phrases and questions constantly! Think before you speak!
If you have more than three kids it is very likely you have heard the following, unsolicited remarks from complete strangers, family and friends.
It seems no one can keep their negative views and thoughts on children to themselves.
It takes a lot of grace and patience to respond kindly and walk on, though most moms feel like fuming — especially if your kids are well-behaved!
And my response to these comments is found in the post “I’m Sorry, Not Sorry, I Have Too Many Kids.
If you have been kind enough not to open your mouth and let your opinions fly, read and re-read this list just in case these trite remarks try wiggle their way out of your mouth.
Instead, why not compliment the mom with her hands full of kiddos?
Why not send a smile her way and wave to her kids?
Trust me, they have heard enough criticism to last them a lifetime.
A couple smiles here and there wouldn’t hurt!
Phrases and Questions Moms of 3 or More Kids are Tired of Hearing
- “Boy, you have your hands full!”
Yes, we know we do, and we like it that way! Don’t convince us we don’t!
- “Which ones are twins?”
None of them are twins. They are all about two years apart.
- “One, two, three, four, five, six. You have SIX kids!”
Yes, so glad they taught you how to count in elementary school!
- “You need to get a TV.”
Wow. Do you realize how off-colored your joke is? Is that REALLY appropriate to say to a mom?
- “You know what causes that, right?”
Nah, we’re still trying to figure that out.
- “I bet your house is fun,” said with a snicker, snicker, snort, snort.
Well, actually it is! We have slumber parties, camp out in the living room, make s’mores on the stove, paint with fingernail polish, have tickle wars and always end up doing a dart tournament. What does your family do?
- “How can you afford those kids?”
They are well-taken care of. No, we’re not on food stamps, Medicaid or WIC. Thanks for asking. All our kids’ needs are met and even their wants. They’re healthy, happy and FUN!
- “So, is this your last one?”
Oh, do you mean did my husband or I get “fixed”? That’s kind of personal, don’t you think?
- “Better you than me.”
Well, if that is your attitude toward kids, I totally agree.
- “Are they all yours?”
Yes, they are all mine, and I absolutely love being their mom!
Moms, if you have more than three kids, enjoy the journey!
You are so blessed and have nothing to be ashamed of.
Enjoy those kisses, hugs and don’t listen to the negative Nellies that didn’t enjoy their parenting journey. Yes, there are many moms out there that hear the same personal attacks you do.
Just let your kids know you love each and every one of them. Maybe one day, just maybe, people will start viewing kids for what they really are — pint-sized treasures.
Love it! I have 3 and I’ve still heard a few of these: are they all yours, are they twins, got your hands full etc. I mean really….? 3 is not a huge amount of kids!
As one sibling of twelve, I’ve heard all those comments and more directed at my parents all my life. We had a happy, healthy childhood, without any government assistance, and we’ve all turned out to be good and productive adults.
Now I’m hearing the same directed at me, and I only have two with one on the way! The most gracious way I can react for now is to refrain from smacking the naysayers. I love being a wife and mother, and yes, I do want more children! They are definitely treasures!
Whoops, I have asked question #8 (a little differently) and #10. However I am in awe of large families. I want to know your systems ie how do you make things run smoothly so I can learn from you. I have a good friend with 7 kids and I just love talking to her and listening to all of her stories. I guess it is a matter of in what spirit the person is asking the questions. I have 2 kiddos of my own and they keep me busy so I can only imagine. I am inspired by large families.
Oh, questions like yours with an inquisitive spirit are always welcome! It is fun to learn from larger families! :)
Yep, heard ’em all. Hopefully more folks will read these and realize how they really come across. Our family with 6 happy children are financially stable, serving the Lord and blessed beyond our needs.
I have only 3, but they are all 2 years or less apart. When they were all under 4 years I heard it more. It always surprised me as 3 kids isn’t that many! My favorite now is when those questions are coupled with why we are out during the day (we’re homeschoolers). My favorite answer to the “is it your last” question is “yes, I had to have a hysterectomy after natural childbirth of a 12 pound baby”. Most people are stunned and stop asking!
Unfortunately there will always be negative people no matter what you do :( I get lots of comments over the fact that we chose to only have one. “Isn’t he lonely?” “You must have so much spare time!” You know stuff like that. We’re happy with our little family, to each their own!
I totally agree that mothers everywhere should be praised for the job they do. Good for you for being a strong, loving and caring mother!
I only have one, so I haven’t heard these, but I love your responses. I don’t think I would be able to think of such good ones on the spot!
Ohh, my! We “only” have 4, and have heard *all* kinds of nasty comments. Once a woman was screaming at me (no joke) all through the grocery store. How, exactly, does one explain to crying kids why a 40+ woman is screaming (on the other side of the aisle) that “it’s time to shut down the factory” because “4’s just out of control”. Huh?! Thankfully many people also have kind things to say. My standard answer to the “hands full” comment is “Better full than empty!” So thankful for my family!
No way! That is INSANE! SO sorry you and your kids had to hear that!
Am ashamed to say that I have probably said #1, but know better now. Thank you for telling me how it sounds from the other side. We have very dear friends who have 11 children, all but 3 are adopted. I love to go to their home and watch how the Mom and Dad are so organized and how all the kids have a job; things get done as unit, and that is a bonding tool and so awesome to watch. May God continue to bless you and your family; thank you for this page!
I told my husband the other day if I had a dollar for every time I had to stop and answer these very questions each time I go shopping, we would be independently wealthy . . . And we only have 4!